I love the voice Billy West uses for this big lug. The clueless arrogance, oily pseudo-charm, and the witless, remorseless bungling come shining through. It's damn-near perfect. Billy's the best.
"Kif, I've made it (or was it 'mated'?) with a woman!"
"I have a very...sexy...problem..."
i always thought it was "made it"
Did you mean his very sexy learning disorder, sex-lexia? hahaha
Sex-lexia? I guess so.
*Hee Hee Hee Hee!* (says I, in a Bender-like giggle)
Either that, or Leela had a problem he deemed 'sexy'.
My all-time fave is....
"If we can hit that bull's-eye,
the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards.
"You disgust me....go on"
"Where's the little umbrella Kif? That's what makes it a Scotch on the rocks!"
"Let's see how friendly you get when you're sharing a prison cell!"
"Yes, comets! The icebergs of the sky, By jackknifing from one to the next at breakneck speed, we might just get some kinda gravity boost.....Or something."
"I've always thought the most sensual part of a woman was the boobies."
"That's the problem with Neutrals - you never know where you stand. Damn them and their neutrality."
"Would you like some sham-pag-nee-ah?"
"The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised."
"I'll have two steaks, and the ladies will each have a very sensual salad with a very low-fat sensual dressing.
"I am the man with no name. Zap Brannigan, at your service."
dammit Tri! you stole my favorite one!
well, a close second is then
"The quickest way to a girl's bed is through her parents'. Have sex with them and you're in."
from the same episode...
oh - and this bit always gets me...
Zapp: Kif, get me ten cases of Pert and Popular.
Kif: What shall I do with your Jergens, sir?
Zapp: Squirt it on some homeless man with dry elbows.
that's a great one - always good when he brings in Kif for some strange request like...
"...but paper covers rock and rock crushes scissors... kif, we have a conundrum. get me some paper, a rock and some scissors."
From the episode Put your head on my shoulder:
Zapp to his date: "But baby, you never showed me your surprise!”
"It's an emergency, sir."
"Come back when it's a catastrophe!"
"Ohhh very well."
"Kif! Show them the medal I won."
In the shower with kif.
"I've never heard of such a brutal and shocking injustice that I cared so little about!"
This has seemed a very apt quote on many occasions over the past few years...
"I am the man with no name, Zapp Brannigan, at your service"
from amazon women in the mood when talking about basketball "Stop, you're killing me. <THUD> STOP! You're KILLING me!"
"she's built like a steakhouse, but drives like a bistro!"
"you're a man's man, you're a man's man's man!"
"Fly the white flag of war"
I think that sums up my favs.
I saw a conversation heart candy today that simply said "hello". My first thought was of the guys on the neutral planet.
"If I don't make it, tell my wife I said ... hello. "
I admit I've quoted Zap and referred to my bedroom "... or as I like to call it, the Lovenasium." It worked better for Zap.
That's it -- I'm putting a sign on the bedroom door labelling it "The Lovenasium".
<<< "Would you like some sham-pag-nee-ah?" >>>
Leela: "I didn't know you were such a coin-a-suir."
I just watched the Titanic episode, and two quotes had me rolling... again!
"She's a beautiful ship alright. Shapely. Seductive. I'm gonna Fly Her Brains Out!"
-walking up to Leela and Fry kissing-
"Leela, perhaps this is an ackward time, but if things don't work out with this pipsqueak here, I want you to know that I'll be there to score you on the rebound."
"Brannigan's law is a lot like brannigans love, Hard and fast"
Leela: "You know Zapp, someone ought to teach you a lesson."
Zapp: "If it's a lesson in love, watch out! I suffer from a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it, Kif?"
Kif: *sigh* "Sexlexia."
(the best part is Kif's sigh... *G*)
Kif's sigh is ALWAYS the best part.
Kif reminds me a lot of me when I had a similarly pompous & oblivious asshole for a boss.
"I'll be all over you like a fly on some very seductive manure..."
Oh what a charmer he is.
"that's whatever you were talking about for you..."
"It's real Velour, let yourself go.."
Soon, you'll be back for a taste of sweet, sweet candy....
Hehe, nice quotes, it's getting difficult...let's see..
"And now for the battle plan. As you all know, the key to victory is the element of surprise.
....Surprise!!" (pushes the button of the trapdoor)
This quote is from the episod "Amazon women in the mood"
"Damn gravity... you again!"
also, "leela, does the company that makes your bra make a girdle as well? I'm asking cuz a friend of mine..."
Shoving Kif to the side on the karaoke stage-----"All right amatuer hour's over. Let me show you why they call me the Velour Fog...."
Kif, I'm headed to the men's room and I'll be needing an attendant so-- Oh, I'm sorry. You're crying like a woman. "
"Feel that, Kif. That's crushed velvet" (Showing off his new uniform)
My favorite quote by zap , bar none, just has to be in 'Kif gets knocked up a notch'.
ATTILA THE HUN: Wait! don't shoot fire stick in space kanoe! cause explosive decompression!
ZAP: Spare me your space-age techno-babble Attila the Hun
Makes me giggle everytime i hear it!!
Zap: "These would be great with some gwack-a-mole!"
Lrrr: "It is pronounced 'guacamole'. And stop eating our young!"
From "The Problem with Popplers", one of the better episodes.
Funny! I love that episode.
My favorite was- " We're sure its a women this time? Right Kif."
That young man fills me with hope. And some other emotions that are weird and
deeply confusing. lol
Oh God, you're killing me. OH GOD YOU'RE KILLING ME!
We had snoo snoo..
[Scene: Wheel Room. Comets are zooming around all over the place outside the ship.]
Kif: Sir, remember your course correction?
Kif: Well it's proving somewhat more suicidal than we'd initially hoped.
Zapp: Kif old friend I don't know which disgusts me more. Your cowardice or your stupidity! We'll simply set a new course for that empty region over there. Near that black-ish hole-ish thing.
Now that's a wave of destruction thats easy on the eyes.
A friend wanted me to put this one up:
"Crawling back like a bird on it's belly...delicious."
How did I defeat the killbots, simple, I sent wave after wave of my own men knowing full well that eventually the killbots would reach there kill limit and shut down.
Lela, could you ask a bit more sexfully
Zap: One day a man has everything.
The next day he blows up a 400 billion dollar space station,
and the next day he has nothing.
It makes you think.
Kiff: No, it doesn't.
"Let fly the white flag of war"
"and that Kif is why you'll never be captain"
"its real velour"
"they call me The Velour Fog"
"ahh pre-war scotch"
"it was simply a matter of outsmarting them...so i sent wave after wave of my own men at them until they each hit their preset kill limit and self destructed."
"anyways it was mostly kiffs fault"
The Zapper is without a doubt my favorite cartoon character of all time. so much that i sometimes refer to myself in the third person as "The Velour Fog"
It goes without saying Zap is everyone's favorite character. We made him president twice.
You see, Killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them, until they reached their limit and shut down.
Fry: Uhh, just so we know: who‘s the enemy?”
Brannigan: “A valid question. We know nothing about their language, their history or what they look like. But we can assume this: they stand for everything we don’t stand for. Also they told me you guys look like dorks!”
Couldn't resist posting one more :P
Zapp: "So, this Leela, I know she's a very sensuous woman, but what manner of captain is she?"
Fry: "She's very strict."
Bender: "And mean."
Z: "I see, does she by any chance give the crew members spankings?"
F: "No, she just makes us do work and stuff."
Z: "Good, good. But should she ever institute some sort of bare bottom spanking policy, let me go in your place. I won't have my comrades harmed."
Zapp: You know, boys, a good captain needs abilities like boldness, daring and a good velour uniform, and I'm not convinced Leela has ANY of those things.
I cant believe nobody's posted this one yet...
"If I said you had a nice body, would you take your pants off and dance a little?"
" Kiff I m heading to the restroom, and I ll be needing an assistant.....Oh, sorry, you re crying like a woman "
" May I say you are the most amazing trio of gigantic ladies I ve ever seen... "
" Yes!! it was in all the papers! "
Zapp:" Hmm, 198 billion babies in a few weeks, we'll need an army of super virile men scoring round the clock! I'll do my part, Kif, clear my schedule"
Kif:" Argh" (shakes Etch-A-Sketch)
Branigan's Law. What law Kif?
*sigh* Branigan's Law sir
hahaha the sigh rocks
Zapp: That's the problem with these nuetrals, you never know where they stand. DAMN THEIR NUETRALITY
Zapp: Where is the umbrella Kiff? Thats what makes it a whisky on the rocks
From WAR IS THE H WORD:
"Watch where you're shooting, private. You spooked Felicity. There, there, boy."
Zap. "Kif, have the boy lay out my formal shorts."
Kif: "The boy, sir?"
Zap: "You, Kif. You lay out my formal shorts."
forgot this one
"Brannigan's law is like Brannigan's love, hard and fast"
"You'll be negotiating with the balls mysterious leaders, the Brain Balls. They've got a lot of brains, and they've got a lot of chutzpah... "
Zapp:the lady Leela
Professor:you two know eachother
Leela:Yes we've met
Bender:Was the before or after you slept with him
He's got some of the best lines in the show but my favourites are:
"She looks like a steak house but she handles like a bistro"
"April thirteenth…point two. We have failed to uphold Brannigan's Law. However, I did make it with a hot alien babe. And in the end, is that not what man has dreamt of since first he looked up at the stars? [pause] Kif, I'm asking you a question"!
"Don't be such a baby, Kif. Teenagers all smoke and they seem pretty on the ball."
"STOP EXPLODING YOU COWARDS!"
"The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised!"
"Look who's come crawling back like a bird on its belly."
My favorite is "stop blowing up you cowards."